Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
