I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
