If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
