I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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