If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
