You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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