It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
