ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
