let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
