she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
