Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
