In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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