idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
