you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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