he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
