Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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