i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
