I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
