thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
