I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize