just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Drunk is a universal language darling
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
