Reggie can tackle my bush.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
