i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize