Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
