You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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