dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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