Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
