Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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