I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
