I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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