Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
