1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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