My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
