shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
