i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
