the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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