The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
