I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
