when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
