Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
