Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
