You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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