his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
