I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
