Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
