If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
