oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
