it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no you cant smoke seaweed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize