I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
