I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So squirting runs in the family.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
