I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
