Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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