The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
