Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
