Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
