So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
