Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
