DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize