I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
