Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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