When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
