i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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